Agony Addison // accessible design for sustainable lil' hands
the buzzword alarm is going absolutely awff rn
New Moon, new us. Each New Moon is a time for setting intentions, deciding what to do with our one wild and precious life, at least for the next month. This new moon in Aquarius promises to help us shed some of the psychological load we’ve been carrying around, trying to pawn it off on someone else instead of just donating it already like the Ikea bag full of clothes in the hallway. It’s time, sweetie; let go and let live!
Hellooooooo little friends in my phone! How are you holding up two months into vitamin D deprivation season? Great news, only about two more to go until we can remember what the sensation of ‘energy’ feels like! Carry on, soulja.
This week, we’re here to discuss the technological failures of our modern age and why the word sustainability has become so irritating. If you also have a topic you’d like me to attempt to answer while actually following several tangential ideas into the bowels of the unknown, ask them here! I’m currently especially in the mood for weird neighbor drama, Love Island hot takes, and the lived experience of people who do not experience ‘frisson’. Bombs away, babes! xx
Questions have been edited for length/clarity.
Dear Addisonian,
My phone is too big for my hand.
Sincerely, Sore Thumbs
One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.
Five, six, seven, eight, this will make our joints ache!
My thumb is actually doing fine at the mo, other than the super light minor callous slowly taking shape on the spot that I compulsively scrape against the edge of my phone case in a style I can only describe as ADHD chic. But my pinky… poor, poor pinky. She and I are suffering together, in solidarity, under the weight of my technological addiction. Like, I can’t crack my pinky knuckle anymore because the tendon holding the bones together is so GD exhausted from spending hours on end lifting Dr. Jobs’s monster toward the heavens that it screams in protest any time I apply downward pressure. Now that I look at her more closely, she does seem a bit swollen compared to her left-handed sister…. does anyone have a link to a WebMD article on pinky cancer?
Okay back to sir hand small hands here, who I’m envisioning as the tiny plastic hands that my college friends and I created an Instagram account for during our semester abroad during which we lost, and FOUND, him on three separate occasions.
Pinkies aside, we do need to address the fundamental implication in your question: are your hands actually too small, or are you similarly j’addicted to the tiny black mirror our lives depend on now and they’re just tired from overuse? The screen time notification is the real plague and is probably leaving more lasting psychological trauma than the actual time we spend on the screen. The time on the screen is still bad, though. I’d say if your numbers are on the north side of six hours a day, the first step in rescuing your hands would be to stretch them across a pressure sensitive screen a lot less often.
I am so aware of my pinky finger right now it’s insane.
Another option would be to mentally revert back to about 2009, before you ever heard the word ‘slayification’, and buy a dumb phone. As in, not a smart phone; a phone that doesn’t recognize the Instagram app and would walk right by ‘TikTok’ on the street without a passing glance. Go flip phone for shore if you get a particular amount of satisfaction from snapping your way out of a conversation, or something in the style of a Nokia brick if you ever shattered a TV playing Wii tennis.
I think the best call here is to hunt down a Motorola Razr and enjoy your life again. Clinical trials show this is the only proven way to get off Lexapro. Apparently phone charms are back anyway. and then you can do a callback to 2007 when we all had bejeweled phone cases and texted Twitter.
Get an iPod nano and see if Limewire still exists. Joni Mitchell’s not on Spotify anymore anyway.
Not willing to deletus the iPhetus yet? You could do some hand stretches I guess?? Or see if the people doing the leg lengthening surgeries have a finger option? You could even…. possibly…. potENTially… buy a *smaller* smart phone?
Okay here’s the most realistic answer I can think of and then I gotta run because I’m getting mad at modernity again — have you tried a pop socket? Apparently they have also been relegated to the ‘cringey millennial identifier’ bucket, but the only way to reach true freedom is by traveling through the forest of cringe and embracing the parts of you that you hate on the other side. Plus, the kids who hate pop sockets casually refer to ‘The Bump’ on their own fingers from holding their phones as a necessary physical disfigurement of modern society, so they’re already a lost cause. Seriously — find a local teenager and ask them about the bump. Then tell them that ‘rizz’ is ‘so cheugy’ and ‘this newsletter I read talks about what the kids are saying these days an awful lot considering the writer is 28 and willing to commit several felonies to avoid ever having children’. And then you could just play with the pop socket to try to break the thumb-scraping habit.
Dear Agony Addison,
I get so much anxiety about clothing — looking good, feeling good, and expressing myself “accurately” are all big worries for me. I spend all my money on fast fashion like Zara and H&M, and then regret it when the clothes fall apart or I hate them already like a month later. I want to do better and feel better about my fashion habits, but buying from sustainable brands is soooo much more expensive. Is sustainable fashion worth it? And how can I go hard without going broke?
— Aritzia Apologist
Hey AA, it’s nice to see another alliterative icon out here in these streets. It ain’t much but it’s honest work. You know what’s not honest work? Literally a single solitary facet of the fast fashion industry. I know I know, low quality cheap labor terrible working conditions blah blah blah. Late stage capitalism makes ethical consumption extremely difficult! And there are definitely some badass brands out there working hordd towards sustainable production practices. BUT, as far as greenwashing lingo goes, sustainable can mean so. many. THINGS! I would encourage you to take a look through some more circular lenses.
Buying secondhand and vintage is an incredible way to participate in the circular economy while also scoring shit that nobody else has. You never have to worry about being featured in the who wore it better section of a misogynistic woman’s magazine. You can wear “legalize gay” shirts ironically or un-. You can find incredibly cool graphic band tees to piss off old men who ask “Do you even know any songs by Iron Maiden?” while you say “omg yes! Teenage Dirtbag is my fave! Kurt Cobain was sooo dreamy” and watch a grown man burst a blood vessel in his eye at the grocery store.
ALSO, fast fashion isn’t the only area of the clothing industry suffering from a decline in production value; most things made now are way fucking worse quality because the companies know you can’t tell the difference and will probably only wear the item short term anyway. Buying secondhand is a great way to acquire pieces that will last longer and feel better on your body, while also doing something tiny in protest of modern manufacturing practices.
Going in-person to local shops is the best, and can actually be kind of a calming ritual activity. But if you prefer to think about an investment for a little longer, sites like Etsy that let you save your favorites are a fantastic place to keep ideas in mind for later, as well as learn what you like in a particular vintage style before you buy. Noihsaf Bazaar is one of my personal favorites, focusing on small designers and keeping an eye toward sustainability. The deeply discounted Marni flats in my closet give their hearty support.
If nothing else, for the love of god stop buying fucking Shein or we’re going to have another entire generation with lead poisoning! This is an area where ‘Gen Z is gonna save the world’ers and ‘leftist’ influencers lose me a bit: the hyper-overt consumption porn that is “haul” videos. Look how much money I spent today on a bunch of products from one brand that you might never see again because they’ll be rotting in my closet with tags on until I donate them the next time I go through a Marie Kondo phase! I know that might taste like bitterness, and it is. I definitely still buy things from Amazon and constantly mix up the NYC recycling standards. But I still cringe every time TikTok supplies haul videos to my eyeballs, and am repeatedly surprised that the creator doesn’t feel somewhat visibly weird about what they’re doing. Is this an ick?
As far as self-expression goes, vintage and secondhand is absolutely the better option. If you’re pickier about what you buy, and spend more money on pieces you love, you’re much more likely to build a closet that you actually love. Oh, and a more interesting one that no one else has. Is my Sag sun Aqua moon Leo rising superiority/individuality complex showing through yet or should I pull out the bejeweled leopard shoulder pin that’s currently fueling it?
I like to end the advice letters with a recent photo of BK, so you always remember that she’s cheering both for and against you. This is the bed she made out of my housecoat next to my desk in order to supervise the writing of this very letter. Please send any complaints to her assistant, she’ll get to it after her next shift at the biscuit factory.
If you missed last week’s news, the comment section is open now! So here’s our first group feedback request: what the HELL was your ringback tone? No chance anyone can beat “Blackbird GLEE VERSION” but you’re very damn welcome to try.
Singing in the dead of night,
Kurt MF Hummel